Low.. Sian... Whatever you call it la...
today is a horrible day.. started off bad, again.. lecture from teachers again.. dunno why.. this second lecture.. seriously i feel that all the screw up are really our faults... kinda pity the teachers now.. cos like they have to deal with all this crap..
then after lecture.. training begins.. first day with my new pair of shoes.. pain sia... for some reason.. couldnt finish the boulder traverse in one shot..that was the start of everything bad.. for some reason, again.. which i dunno why la.. couldnt exert strength.. arms just cant seem to listen... no pain.. just cant use strength.. ended up i was struggling even with simple moves.. only achievement today was that i finally managed to finish a blue route, which was the one at the roof.. but couldnt feel any happiness or whatsoever.. suddenly i felt all sucky.. felt damn low and damn disappointed.. felt like i'm not even suited to be a climber. ok. i've improved.. but the improvement is so darn slow.. i felt like i dont even belong to the club now.. then the words of Mr T echoed,"If you dont want to stay in the club, dont!' then the thought of quitting the club din just crossed my mind this time.. kinda stayed for quite long..
then it gotta screwed up again.. hai.. we went for a 5km run.. and apparently the store isnt locked..weicheng was the last one using the store.. so i told him to switch off the light and lock the store behind him.. it was my mistake that i din check again when we went for the run.. no point blaming anyone.. it happened, it screwed up.. my fault.. i really dunno la.. is it my fault? i'm really trying my best to be a good quarter master.. but it feels like it's never gonna be enough.. haha.. with screwing up my duties and as a climber.. really damn sian le.. suddenly it occured to me whether will it make a difference if i were to leave the club.. haha.. the club will only lose a serious person who doesnt really hang out with the rest of the club.. a person who will open the store and close it .. check for equipment.. that's all ba.. i think someone can replace me and do a better job.. haha.. i even thought of a person whom i think can succeed this job much better than me le.. we will see if that will come into use some day..
sometimes i just had enough.. dunno whether is my stress endurance or whatsoever la.. i'm a person who can lead and follow.. but sometimes leading seems to be a hard job to do.. especially when the people dont cooperate well and i dunno how to make them cooperate.. well.. quoted from Mr Tan, "That is leadership'.. oh well.. if that's the case.. maybe i'm just not meant to lead then.. sigh...
waiting for you to come back @ 9:46 PM